Introduction to the Bag Lady Mama (Part 2)

(Read part 1). After returning from living in Greece, I met my now husband Shannon. He says that he thought I had weird eyes, like they’d been put on upside down…. lol

Having babies was always something I feared I’d never have the joy of having. But after only 3 weeks of dating I fell pregnant by surprise and we now have our son, Lukas – 5 going on 19. This child of mine has been here before and will go places. He was meant to be here. We also now have a daughter Arabella Dixie.

After a horrid management of me and my pregnancy with Lukas I almost died due to perforated bowel. I tried to tell the doctors that the pain I’d been experiencing during my pregnancy wasn’t normal but once again no one wanted to believe me. I gave birth to Lukas naturally and then got very sick.

They finally did an ileostoscopy and it showed that my Crohn’s had returned – even though I had no symptoms of my Crohn’s. I didn’t believe that the pain I’d been feeling was my Crohn’s and I was right. I flew to another state and they found the real reason for my pain and I had surgery immediately to remove the hole in my bowel and the disease section. Another 20cms of bowel gone…

I almost died. My temperature reached 42* degrees and my body was shutting down. I had a 5 month old baby. I had to stop breastfeeding and was in hospital for 3 weeks. I barely remember the days but I remember the feeling of heartache. I was like a skeleton. 

It was a horrible time in our lives.

My first surgery I had been so excited for and this one was so very different. I was scared of death. I was scared to leave my baby without a mother. 

 I had to be strong. I had to fight. I did and slowly life moved on. It was occasionally a struggle. I had to learn another new version of me. I would say it took close to a year or more before I was able to look in the mirror without disgust and sadness at being completely covered in scars.

Lukas loves to touch my stoma. He was always a little curious and always loved to touch it. He doesn’t like it when I pretend to poo on him hehe!

We moved state and my husband and I both worked at a brand new hospital! We knew that I would not accept anything but the best care during another pregnancy and it would be a combination of care from both the gastro doctors and obstetricians. I had a great team and was induced at 37 weeks to ensure that I didn’t perforate again and was able to deliver our daughter again completely naturally. It was an amazing birth. It was magical.

Lukas’ birth had been quite traumatic and there were 5 doctors in the room. Everyone was scared and nervous about this crazy woman with a bag having a baby. With Arabella I was able to pull her up to my chest.

The only negative thing that happened was the unfortunate ignorance and stigma attached to someone with a bag and a midwife told me that I couldn’t go in the water because I would contaminate the water!!! My bag is waterproof! if it wasn’t I would be walking around with poo all over me!

I felt empowered. I felt amazing and I wanted to empower others just like me. Others who are afraid of what life means with a bag. Afraid of the stigma attached to living with a bag and afraid of having children.

 So now I am about changing perception, removing stigma and spreading awareness.

I am loving every single minute of it.

I am not an old woman, I don’t even class myself as having a disability though I could. I am able, I am functioning and I want to feel sexy and alive!

I want others to find their voices. I want others to be empowered. I will change how people see me.

My daughter and son have their mama. My son has a sister and my husband still has his wife!

Sometimes life changes can sweep the rug from out under your feet.

Sometimes you just have to say F the world and what they think I should think, feel, and be. You can be whoever you want to be and do it with a smile! being a little bit cheeky can help!

I am loved unconditionally. My husband doesn’t care about my battle wounds. He just cares that I am here – probably so that I can do majority of the parenting. 😉

I found my calling.

I found my voice. 

I am just like you.

Post Surgery Bliss KLP_1478-small KLP_1599-small 

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The InflammatoryBowelDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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