Broken Homes, Where All The Broken People Live
"Broken homes, where all the broken people live."
If you're a true Grey's Anatomy fan, I assume you know where this quote comes from.
On a very old episode of Grey's, Meredith said she always wondered if broken homes were where the broken people lived. This really resonated with me because it's how I've always felt: broken. I've always felt like I was the odd ball. Growing up, my friend's seemed to have perfect lives. Happy families, healthy bodies. Then there was me... Small, broken me.
From my (now nonexistent) colon to my mental health, I've always felt broken. IBD can cause you to feel this way. We're so different. On top of everything broken within my body, the physical aspect of things. So many things were broken outside of my body. I also lived with the stress of being raised in a broken home.
I never blamed my condition on my family, or lack thereof. I know my mother did the best she could for my sister and I. She gave us the best life she could possibly give as a person living with a chronic condition of her own. I love my mother and greatly appreciate every sacrifice she made in raising us.
I'm broken, and that's okay
There comes a time in life when we have to face our fears. A big one for me has been admitting to, and accepting my pain. I know I am broken. Truth is, I was broken long before my ulcerative colitis diagnosis came. I stayed broken long after. The journey to finding myself has been a tough one. I was diagnosed long before I hit an age that healthy people begin to figure things out. My diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks and life hasn't felt the same since.
There has not been a day that I don't think about my diagnosis and everything I lost. Although I experienced symptoms long before the day I was diagnosed, being told these symptoms would be a problem for the rest of my life took something from me. My hope.
Working to overcome the effects of ulcerative colitis
Ulcerative colitis won't stop me. That, and everything else that has led me to this feeling. I know I must continue to fight to see better days. I can admit to being broken, but I know there will be a day when I am whole. I look forward to the day I can look back on my past and smile at my struggle. Giggle in amusement and embrace my current state. Although that day has not come yet, I remain optimistic. I am broken, but I am so much more than that.
I am a survivor. A fighter. A warrior.
Every day I fight a battle most wouldn't understand and do it with a smile. Every day I push through pain with little to no complaint. Every day I live with the goal to help others get through their broken stage as I am on a journey through my own. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I am willing to find them.
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