When People Say "At least it's not cancer"

“At least it’s not cancer” is a phrase that many IBD patients hear when talking about their lifelong, chronic condition.

I really cannot understand why people come out with things like that! It has been said to me too.

How is me sharing my ulcerative colitis journey related to cancer? Did I ever even mention cancer? No, I did not, so why would someone else? I’m doing my own thing, in my own way, and that should be respected at the very least.

Being sick is not a competition

In my humble opinion, illness is not something that should ever be made into a competition. It is all relative. The way I see it, the worst thing that has ever happened to someone is just as bad to them as the worst thing that has ever happened to me is, to me.

A person with cancer and a person with inflammatory bowel disease are not the same. Hell, a person with ulcerative colitis isn’t even the same as another person with ulcerative colitis! We don’t all experience the same symptoms, disease progression, or even the same emotional journey. We all learn different things from what life deals us, which will depend on multiple factors such as our age, our life experiences before, and even our personality type. No one should ever be able to tell anyone else that their trauma is not as bad as someone else’s. That their journey and emotions are not valid.

I have had a cancer scare myself in the past, and it was obviously a worrying time for me; having tests and waiting for the results. It was a very similar experience to the tests and waiting I’ve done countless times throughout my UC journey, but with less waiting. Fortunately, all was clear. Had it not been, I would have tackled it in the same way I have tackled my IBD. You do what you have to do; you attend appointments, have surgery, go through treatment. One way or another, at some point, it would all be over.

Ulcerative colitis is serious

Ulcerative colitis, the surgeries and the complications that come with it have nearly taken my life already, on more than occasion, and at the end of it all, the UC continues to play havoc with my body. I came away from those experiences with the intention of focusing on making the best of the time I am relatively well. On being happy and experiencing as much as I can. But, what makes me happy is not the same as what makes someone else happy, so me finding time to write, snuggle the dogs, and attend live music events whenever possible is my version of happy, and to some people, that would be a wasted life!

Each person's journey is unique

My point is, as people, we are unique and individual. We cannot be compared to one another or judged by other people's standards. We are what we are. We experience things in our own way, and we deal with them in our own way. There is no right or wrong way to experience life, or death, or poor health... If we’re doing our best, and learning our own lessons, then who has the authority to say that we are wrong? Who has the right to tell us that we should be grateful when we’re having a rough day, or that “it could be worse”?

We know that it could be worse. We tell ourselves that most days, but if we want to rant, raise awareness, and share our story, then that is what we should do, and we should not let anyone else's comments make us feel like our experience less valid.