Don’t Be Crohn’s Alone During the Holidays This Year

The holidays are a huge stressor for many of us with Crohn’s disease. The same can definitely be said for those living with a chronic illness. From parties at homes of others to potlucks at work, having to navigate the invites can become overwhelming. But what is worse than too many invites? No invites because we’ve said, “No,” too many times. That’s one way you become Crohn’s alone for the holidays. Insert Macaulay Culkin’s screaming face here.

When I was at the height of this Crohn’s flare, it was a task to get out of bed, to shower, to leave the house. Life was difficult. Even before the holidays, the invites to events had come and gone. Some I would outright decline and add a thank you for the invite. Others, I would say I can’t commit but would try. Then, I’d totally ghost my friends.

Don’t do that!

Missing out on social events

Eventually, the invites became fewer and fewer. Then, on social media, I would see pictures of friends at parties or going out as a group after work. Fear of missing out turned into just missing out. But it was my own fault.

If I could do things all over, I would. First, I would talk to my friends and let them know one simple thing. I may not be able to make all or anything you invite me to, but please keep inviting me. This also means I would have to respond to them and not ghost on invites I said yes to.

Keeping friendships with Crohn's

Advocating for “you” in a medical setting is so important and we often don’t think twice about that. But advocating for “you” within a friendship is something far too many of us are guilty of. It takes two to maintain relationships with people — you + them. When you stop returning texts, calls or going out with people, it’s hard for them to not take it personally.

I was too absorbed within my own health issues that I didn’t consider if my lack of communication would be seen as hurtful. I also didn’t consider that my saying no would be regarded as, “She’s not going to say yes, so don’t bother.” Or “She didn’t show up last time, anyway.

Committing and showing up to social events

As my Crohn’s symptoms have vastly improved and experience more good days than bad, I try to be more open to invites. I also try to be more communicative with friends and let them know if I can’t immediately commit. Honestly, committing to an event is one of the hardest things those of us with Crohn’s, ulcerative colitis, or Crohn’s colitis have to do. Second to that is when we overcommit ourselves because we are having more good days. Lastly, when I do commit and am not having a good day, I will still try to show up for at least 30 minutes.

That last point is crucial. Why?

Sometimes, showing up is half the battle. Getting ourselves there is exhausting, yes. Going to the event can add even more exhaustion, on top of that. But once we get there, and start to enjoy ourselves, the want to leave usually reduces.

If the need to leave to go home remains, there’s your answer — go home. You showed up and participated. Now, you head home.

If food is what you are concerned about, chat with your host. Discuss if you can bring a dish for yourself as your main course, or a side course that is also safe for you.

It’s totally understandable that drinking can be a concern, as well. You don’t have to drink to be social. You can walk around with a drink without sipping it. Mocktails are my favorite when trying to appear like I’m drinking an adult beverage but am totally kicking it with sparkling water.

Communication is where I went wrong so many years ago. I hope this helps you from becoming Crohn’s alone for the holidays.