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Doing the Best I Can

Anyone who knows me well can tell you I am not a fan of medications. I never have been. Although I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in high school, up until that point I’d rarely even taken cough medicine. It’s not that I didn’t believe in medicine, it was just a personal preference. Medications were always an inconvenience to me. I just wanted to live life like everyone else.

With time I grew accustomed to being prescribed medications. Notice I use the word prescribed. At times it feels like I’m just living life one symptom at a time. The more medications I’m given, the more I tend to rebel. Sure, I’ll entertain the thought for a little. Maybe take it a few days in a row. If you’re lucky maybe I’ll even take it at the same time. But I’ll eventually become tired. Tired of being sick, tired of having to take medications in the first place, the feeling of just wanting to be normal. And I’ll just stop.

I want better health.

Well, that was my past at least. I don’t know exactly when it happened or what hit me, but one thing I know is that I do want a better life. I want better health and I no longer want to live life one symptom at a time. I’ve decided that I deserve better. I deserve a healthy and happy life. That’s what I’m now striving for. Every day I wake up and take a handful of pills: an antibiotic for Chronic Pouchitis, a probiotic for IBD patients, a few vitamins. Every day I do this. I do not complain. I do not forget. I’ve been temporary scheduled for a weekly infusion of iron. I’m happy to go to this appointment. I arrive with a smile and sit in my chair with a feeling of pure bliss. Overjoyed that I even have access to this amazing care and my life saving treatments.

People say time heals all wounds

I somewhat agree, at least in this case. I think in the past I rebelled against a lot of things because I had so much anger. Going through all of the failed medications and treatments, even the surgeries; I just couldn’t understand why I of all people had to suffer so much. I envied my friends for being “normal.” I was jealous they didn’t have to worry about things like copayments and insurance premiums. Deep down I wished for a day in their lives.

With time comes appreciation

Now that I am slightly older and a lot wiser I am much more appreciative for my health and healthcare. I have come so far managing my condition and I’m doing everything I can to keep it under control. Seeing what life is like with poor health and inflammation only fuels my drive for further progress. While I’m grateful for everything that I’ve gone through with condition and it has molded me into the person I am today, I look forward to better days and health in the future!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    11 months ago

    Thank you for sharing this. I can relate on so many levels. I too had a moment where I just didn’t want to take the pills or go to the infusions. It’s tiring being sick all the time and you have those days where you just want to throw your hands up and throw in the towel.

    But just as you so beautifully articulated, you then have those days where you just want to get better. And so you press on, and you take your pills and go to your infusions and remain diligent so that one day you can reap what you sow.

    Wishing you the best.

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

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