Good ol' Emergency Department visits
How many times have you walked into the Emergency Department and tried to accurately explain why you are in there? Do you think that they understand that you are (if you're like me) a control freak and hate the caving feeling of being back in those waiting room seats?
The other day I had to go to ED for an allergic reaction. Did they know or even appreciate how proud of myself that it had almost been 10 months since my last hospital visit? Or that I'd actually been healthy for so long that it felt like a kick in the guts to be back there? But I did. Because I knew for my health I needed to be there.
I work at the local hospital. It's been both a blessing and a curse. My last hospitalization was because I passed out at my desk in the middle of an open plan floor. A MET Code call was placed and the floor was swarmed with people watching or participating in cannulating me and trying to wake me. It was embarrassing. I feel so much shame around it. Silly, but I do.
So when I was having a reaction the other day, I grabbed my antihistamines, but I knew this wasn't good. It was escalating too quickly. So I asked a colleague to walk down to ED with me. One that I wouldn't crush if I fell ;P
Dismissed by medical professionals
But I was received by an angry nurse who dismissed me. She accused me of being stubborn and not putting my health first. She even brushed me off as having a panic attack!
I wasn't doing either of those things! I was taking my health seriously. If I had of been at home, it would have been a lot longer before I got to the hospital. Also, I know my body. I didn't waste any time at all before heading to the ED. I assessed the situation and knew that I needed to go to the ED.
I can never win when it comes to IBD
Sometimes it feels like I cannot ever win. Sometimes I don't take my health seriously enough or I'm being told there is nothing wrong and I'm being dramatic. I guess it's who I land with when going through the system.
Lately, I've been having a lot of bad experiences when going through ED. There was a time that I'd say "ileostomy or Crohn's" and I'd be straight in with no wait time. I miss the days of knowing how to play the system to my advantage. I think I've also gotten a bit soft and don't like to skip the queue as much.
Getting past the gatekeeper disguised as a nurse is one thing, but then there are the doctors and nurses in the back who can squash you as soon as you open your mouth. "Well, your body is saying you are just fine.." Yeah, well my body is a jerk who likes to play games!
I know my body best
It's those moments that I feel as delusional as I possibly could and have to really assess if it's me or my body? I use the good old trick of comparing the "normal" me to this version of me that is presenting. After all, they don't know me. I don't want to be there anymore; in fact, I'm 99% sure that I want to be there a lot less than they do. They get paid for my visit. I generally lose money! *insert facepalm here***
Remember that when you are being dismissed. Remind them that this visit was probably after an internal fight over who decided which was more important; being a stubborn control freak or caving to not wanting to feel so awful.
If we're presenting to you; we've lost our own battle.
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