A Funny Crohn's Public Restroom Story
It’s no secret that if you have Crohn’s disease, you are in the bathroom all the time! Yes, sometimes even for a day straight. Once, I had a flare so severe, that I didn’t leave my bathroom for a whole 24 hours and had to lay down on the floor with a pillow to rest in between painful bowel movements. *facepalm.
But! Although Crohnies endure agonizing and painful bathroom moments that can become edged in our minds in bad ways, we do have moments that we can laugh about later that can bring out a giggle in good ways.
So I’ve decided to share a funny bathroom moment I recently experienced, in lieu of sharing a laugh or two with you.
Here it goes:
A stressful situation
It was a gorgeous, hot day in Miami and I was running to Office Depot to print out an important business presentation. I was on a time crunch and of course, a bit stressed that I wouldn’t get the items printed on time for the scheduled meeting.
Long story short, things of course took longer than expected. Files were not printing as they should, and multiple calls had to be made to fix and resend files via email so that it could print properly.
Running to the bathroom
In the hustle and bustle of it all, my stomach decided to join for the ride. Yup, you guessed it. As I am standing at the counter speaking to the Office Depot representative, the urgency hit.
I immediately interrupted our conversation about printing material with: “I’m so sorry, but where is your restroom?” After he told me where it was, I bolted.
Hallelujah! Bathroom with multiple stalls and not one person in sight. I claimed the middle stall and practically exploded. I was experiencing a small flare, and ended up taking much longer in the bathroom than expected. But this is nothing new for us Crohnies.
The light in the public restroom turned off
Then, all of a sudden, as I was minding my own business the lights turned off. AH!
Did I just go blind?
The automatic light sensor shut off and didn’t care that my pants were halfway down my ankles while I was in the middle of doing my business.
I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my life.
How I turned the light back on in the bathroom
Well, what happened next was comical. I don’t know about you but I need me some light when I’m using the restroom. So I calmly waited to see if anyone was going to walk into the restroom. With no sounds or voices in the vicinity, I did what only a brave, courageous person would do.
I ninja kicked open my stall, with pants to my ankles, butt exposed, and I did a quick dance to turn the sensor back on. The dance was tribal and twitchy. And I’m glad it was done in the dark so that no one on this planet has any evidence of this scary improvisation.
Cue angelic singing! BAM! Lights on! Approved.
The Queen of the bathroom light sensor was delighted with my dance and its focus. The lights shot on and I bolted back into my stall with laser precision as if nothing happened.
I then burst out laughing. Could you imagine if someone had walked in at the moment I was dancing around in the dark?
No toilet paper in the bathroom stall
Oh and to add some spice to the story. As I turned for the toilet paper in my stall, surprise, surprise, there was none!
So with ninja speed, I did a quick switcharoo into the next stall. Used the toilet paper, washed up, then out the door to finish printing out my business presentation—as if nothing had happened.
Yup! We are certainly one of a kind, us Crohnies.
And with that said, I will say the following loud and proud:
My name is Elizabeth. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in 2011, and I am admitting to doing half-naked dances in public restrooms when the lights turn off.
Do you have any funny bathroom stories? Share below, let’s laugh together.
What is your comfort level disclosing your IBD to your employer?