How My Heart Softened With Crohn’s Disease

Before my diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, I was one stubborn and emotionally closed off girl. What I mean by emotionally closed off is, I hated when people would see my vulnerable side. At the time, crying was a sign of weakness to me and I did everything possible to keep my tears in.

Whether I was watching an emotional movie, tear-jerking commercial or experiencing something heart-breaking in life, under no circumstances was I letting anyone see me cry. Where I built up this defense mechanism, I don’t know, but I was adamant about only letting people see the strong parts of me.

An unexpected diagnosis of Crohn's disease

At 21, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s out of the blue. My diagnosis was unusually quick and the onset of symptoms was from 0-100. It felt like one minute I was the healthy, athletic me, and the next minute I was plagued with this horrendous disease full blast.

Over time, dealing with the unimaginable trials that come with Crohn’s, my heart began to soften. Every year, the exhaustion and the fighting to survive, completely softened my heart and soul.

Increased feelings and empathy after diagnossis

I went from a closed off person who wasn’t much into hugging and talking about feelings to someone who truly exploded with all the empathy and compassion I was missing out on before. It was as if this wall of defense disintegrated to the ground and there I was left vulnerable and extra-sensitive to the hurts and feelings of those around me.

Today, I really feel and hurt when others do. Before my diagnosis, I didn’t care to feel those emotions and I preferred ignoring them. Now, I simply can’t.

If I see someone cry, it triggers something in me, and I am immediately concerned for their tears. If I am in need of a hug, I ask for one and enjoy it. If I watch an emotional movie, I cry my little eyes out and allow myself to feel all the feels. If I see that someone is physically hurting and needs help, I extend a helping hand.

It’s weird to say that it was my Crohn’s diagnosis that gifted me with this new way of being, but it’s the truth. I guess if there is one silver lining in it all, it’s that I am more loving?

When you are kicked down so many times and endure the most horrific circumstances of physical pain, exhaustion, emotional letdowns, your heart definitely starts to change.

Coping with the journey of Crohn's disease

I imagine you can choose for your heart to harden or soften in the process and I won’t judge those who choose the latter. This journey is a beast.

But, in my personal experience, I am certainly much more soft and loving and I guess I have to say, I am not mad at that change. I find that life is more full when you live from a vulnerable, less defensive place.

So if you have the strength, I encourage you to take your hardships from this illness and use the pain to soften your heart, rather than harden it. Life is definitely unfair, and none of us wanted this diagnosis. But since this is our unfortunate reality, why not choose to turn some good out of it?

Has your diagnosis changed you for the good in any way? If so, let us know and comment below.