Homemade Baby Food: Putting My Mind At Ease

As a new mom with Crohn’s disease there are many decisions and moments where your disease plays a role in how you take care of your child. Before my son was born six months ago, I decided I was not going to breastfeed. Personally, I didn’t feel comfortable that long-term studies for biologic medications are non-existent. Many medications are still less than 15 years old.

I ended up breastfeeding for three days in the hospital so that my son could receive the colostrum. Basically “liquid gold” when it comes to nutrients. Then I cut the cord. Being someone that wasn’t planning on breastfeeding in the first place, I was honestly surprised at how much it saddened me to see him take a bottle for the first time. Tears streamed down my face watching my little man with a bottle in his mouth. There was something about that bond and that closeness that I knew I wasn’t going to ever feel again with him.

Now that he’s six months, there are still moments when I come across something on social media or read an article and feel a pang of guilt that my health condition caused me to approach motherhood differently. As he starts eating “real food”…I feel empowered by the fact that I can make it at home, from scratch. I’m far from being a “granola” or an “all organic” person, but I feel like this is enabling me to make up for the formula.

As a mom with Crohn’s, you wonder and worry if you will pass along inflammatory bowel disease to your children.

You think about the warning signs and keep a watchful eye each diaper change and each time you introduce a new food, hoping for the best. As I blend the food in my kitchen, I smile to myself. Finally I feel I am on the same playing field as all the “normal” moms out there. I’m able to provide my child with the best types of nutrients and feed him to the best of my ability.

Each time someone casually asks me if I breastfeed or starts offering up advice about lactation or latching, it makes me pause and is a constant reminder that the only reason I’m not able to feed my child that way is because of the disease I have. I know many women choose otherwise, despite receiving medication. More power to them. But, for me…it’s not worth the risk.

Mom guilt is real…and it’s especially real when you’re grappling with a chronic condition. There are days and moments that push you and the struggle doesn’t get any easier when you have to care for more than just yourself. Sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle. Other days you feel like you can conquer the world. I wish I could bottle up those fleeting feelings of invincibility and use them when I need them most. Because just like when you’re diagnosed with Crohn’s… it’s a part of you for the rest of your life, so is motherhood.