woman overwhelmed with questions

Being Asked How You’re Doing Daily

Do you ever get tired of someone asking how you are feeling every single day? I do.

Thankfully, I have a very caring mother who is worried about me for obvious reasons. However, every day she asks me how I am which includes how I slept, how my pain is, how my back pain is, how my migraines are, if my stomach is distended, etc etc.

While I appreciate her caring and taking an interest, it is rather upsetting for me to feel like I have to quantify how I am doing every single day. When I brought this up to her, her response was that she cares enormously and I know that to be true. I know she doesn’t want to upset me by asking these questions. She just wants me to know she is there for me and I appreciate having someone in my life like that more than she will ever realize.

However, sometimes I feel like I am in a doctor’s office where I have to say how I am doing on a scale of 1-10.

I also notice if at the time she asks, I am doing pretty okay, but then later on in the day don’t feel well, she seems dumbfounded. Then it becomes “I don’t understand. I thought you were doing better.

It is comments like that that make me want to scream “what part of chronic illness do you not understand?” Again, I don’t mean this in a negative way towards my mom or anyone who may be asking you how you are doing all of the time. I know it is nothing more than an act of concern. And also, my mom, like most parents, wants to “fix things.” The fact that she cannot get me “better” is something I know most parents of IBDers struggle with. Chronic illness is a family disease.

While I am not a parent, it must be heartbreaking to know your child is sick and there is not a damn thing you can do to fix or even help the problem.

I am sharing this with you because I feel somewhat guilty for getting mad at my mom when she asks all of the time. I know it comes from love but it hurts me to talk about it always. It hurts me to feel like I am complaining all of the time to her. It hurts me that I don’t have an answer to why I slept semi okay one day but was up the entire night the next. I wish I had answers to my complicated body because if I did, I would gladly share them.

Do any of you have this in your life? Can you relate at all? Or, are you a loved one of someone with IBD and don’t know how else to help but ask questions? I would love to hear other people’s experiences. It might even help my mom and I communicate better.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The InflammatoryBowelDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (8)
  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    5 months ago

    I get bombarded with these questions by family all the time. And yes, particularly my mother as she is always concerned with how I am doing. Sometimes, I do find it a bit overwhelming and I’ll just let the person know in the moment that I really don’t want to talk about it. That usually ends it right there.

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

  • TheHealingCannabist
    2 years ago

    Omg did this article strike home for me?!? I can totally relate. I was diagnosed with severe ulcerative colitis a year ago. No one understands that it’s a chronic illness, I get so tired of people telling me to go to the doctor… I just wanted to thank you for writing this, it always helps to know you’re not alone.

  • SusanHU
    2 years ago

    Thank you for your kind words TheHealingCannabist! We’re so glad the article resonated with you and we’re glad you’re here. – Susan (InflammatoryBowelDisease.net Team Member)

  • GabesMom
    2 years ago

    Thank you for this. I am a mom of an 11 year old with Crohn’s. You are exactly right, it is excruciating to watch your child suffer and not be able to fix it. And I do see there are some people close to him that don’t totally get how he can go from good to bad so quickly.
    I have been working with a therapist so I can stay as strong and sane as possible for him. She quickly pointed out that I was being too diligent in checking in on him, to both of our detriment. He needed to learn to try to cope more on his own and ask for help. I needed to stop worrying constantly and trust him to ask for help when he needed it. I really took that to heart. He works with a therapist to learn coping and stress management skills. It helps. He will grow up and leave home and be on his own and he needs to start learning now how to take care of and advocate for himself. Some friends and family may feel I am still too hawkish. I’m doing my best. However, on the days when he wakes up and doesn’t mention anything neither do I. I just try to embrace every moment that he feels well and try to give him those moments to just be a kid instead of a kid with Crohn’s.

  • SusanHU
    2 years ago

    Thank you for commenting GabesMom – these are really great points! Being a caregiver can be truly challenging. I’m glad that you have some emotional support and it sounds like you’re doing your best but giving yourself some space to not be perfect too. We’re here for you and your son – please keep us posted! – Susan (InflammatoryBowelDisease.net Team Member)

  • BeckyGloss
    2 years ago

    Hello. I have well meaning family members who too “grill” me about my health. My response has been this:
    I love that you Love me that much that you care enough about the slightest detail. I really appreciate your concern. Can we please not make this a routine like every day so that it won’t loose its purpose and meaning? Can we agree that it I have any changes I will bring them up? And if I haven’t and you are concerned i, say a week you can ask me. This will keep me from feeling like the only thing we ever focus on is my illness and not me as a person. You raised me to be more than a label and I feel that by being asked daily how I am you are labeling me Chron’s or sick. I want to focus on health and healing. Please let’s focus on something more than just my disease. Thank you again for your love and support it does me the world to me.

    Now, this is tough for my family the same year I was diagnosed my sister passed from complications of Crohns. And she was VERY private she dudny share anything. No one knew how sick she was until the end. So I understand my family’s well meaning intentions and when they back slide, like they do. I say I love yiu, I promise of there are any changes you need to know about I’m going to call you right after my doctor.
    You never know how hard it is for your loved ones. Especially your Mom. She would go through it for you if she could. Do please know that all the questions, feeling like you relive the doctors office, the TMI is all because she loves you, wants to understand what you are going through, would take it from you.
    Look at it as a blessing. Many sufferers have no one. Praise her for her love of you, even the sick part youd like to no be. From one crohnnie to another.
    I’ve been in remission for 6 years and my Mom has been past for 6 years. What I wouldn’t give to have her ask me every day or every minute or every second how I’m feeling, what my bowl movements look like, am I taking my vitamins, etc…
    Try my suggestion. Hope it helps. If not just go with the love that is intended. There will come a day where you miss it.
    My love and prayers,
    Becky

  • SusanHU
    2 years ago

    Great points Becky – thank you for sharing your story and your advice. We’re glad to have you! – Susan (InflammatoryBowelDisease.net Team Member)

  • Gillendor
    2 years ago

    Omg! I know exactly what you mean!! Hahaha– I literally wrote a blog post about this same thing the other day! I never know what to say when someone asks me how I’m doing. I think I’ve come to the conclusion that you can be honest about whats up with you but then let them know you can handle it! We are warriors! And there is only so much we can do to help those around us cope with the fact that we are chronically ill. We are doing a lot of coping ourselves! Lol Hope that helps! My blog post may be helpful as well, just so you know you aren’t alone! https://janaowlfdesigns.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-are-you-doing.html

  • Poll