Learning to Advocate for Someone Else

When I thought of this title, I had my husband at the forefront of my mind. Why? Because he is absolutely useless at this one!

His inability to advocate for me when I'm sick and unable to advocate myself has probably played one of the major parts in any problems we've had. We had previously temporarily split up because of this.

Feeling a lack of support from my husband

I've now learned that the impact of his "inability" to advocate for me scarred me so much more than I realized. Anytime anything went wrong or we had a fight, I'd be thrown into a state of mind that told me I was alone, that he wasn't there for me, and that I couldn't lean on him to be there for me. I've also learned that his inability to do those things was a reflection of his childhood also.

That wasn't quite accurate though. I'm not denying the douchey things he's done and the significance of every hurt I've felt, but I now understand that those little moments didn't need to be as traumatic as the big ones. I now know to let go and truly move on.

So when I told him about my list of posts to write, he offered to help me write one - I offered him this one! We had a little laugh and I told him to list all the shitty ways he hasn't advocated and to make it more of a 'what not to do post'! ;P

I hope you also get a bit of a giggle as I did out of it.

My husband's perspective on support and advocacy

So how do you advocate for someone when you've never had to before?

My husband's response:
Before I met my amazing wife, I had never experienced hardship or illness. I'd had a fantastic upbringing.

While my childhood was very easy, I was never exposed to the realities of day to day life and never held accountable for my actions. Even into my early 30's, I had never had to worry about anyone or anything but myself.

Then, in like a hurricane, came Krystal. Beautiful, confident, fiery, but also very ill. I never appreciated it at the time and those early days of not respecting the realities of her illness will haunt me for the rest of my days.

We became pregnant very early into our relationship which changed the whole dynamic. Fortunately, we fell in love - the rest is history.

Learning to coexist when our lives had been lived at the opposite of the spectrum took a lot of adjustment.

I will never forget her first night in our apartment in Darwin after she moved in. She asked me to help cut some vegetables and I just sat on the couch ignoring her. Little did I realize, her arthritis was bad and her hands were hurting. Looking back now I think how unkind I was.

We both needed to adjust and change

This post became so long and realistically most likely too overwhelming to read in one go! So with the ease of reading ability in mind, see Part 2 to summarize both of our feelings and how we needed to change. But don't worry, all ends well!