IBD Can Make You Feel Lazy
Since being diagnosed with Crohn's or colitis, do you ever feel like a lazy bum? I do because of ulcerative colitis. All the time, actually.
There are so many things I wish I could be out doing each day, but for one reason or another, my health hinders that. It is like my brain is so excited about life and wants to experience things, be out and about each day just living, but my body has other plans. It is so frustrating!
I hate that there are more days than I care to admit that I don’t get out of my pajamas, don’t shower, don’t leave the house, barely get out of my bed or off of the couch, and literally just do nothing. My greatest accomplishment some days is cleaning up the kitchen after dinner so my family and I don’t wake up to a mess (and then I feel like I am letting people I love down.) Never did I think something as simple as THAT would be considered even an “accomplishment,” let alone the biggest one I achieve on some days.
Guilt on days that I can't do anything
I am learning to accept certain things, I guess, in really small doses. I try to do things that make me feel like a normal member of society or like an actual “human being” on the days I can. For example, doing errands needed for my family and I, clean myself up (i.e. either shower or wash my hair in the sink,) maybe even get some exercise on a good day (the greatest mental health medicine for me,) laundry, dishes and other things around the house. I guess if I try and tackle as much as possible on my semi-good days, then I don’t feel as guilty on the days I truly don’t do anything productive.
I honestly just hate feeling this way because I know how different my life would be if my body cooperated. I know there would be nothing standing in my way of achieving the life and goals I want. But, I have something I cannot control preventing me from living the life I greatly desire and deserve.
UC causes pain and so much more
Not only that, but this ‘thing’ I have that is out of my control also causes me to experience enormous pain, mental anguish, go through violating tests, procedures and surgeries. The works! Life with IBD isn’t fair. It makes me angry. And if it makes you angry, good… it should!
Don’t let that anger overpower you, but let it come out. Express it. Share it. Own it. It is only natural for those of us who suffer from Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis to miss out on a lot of opportunities. How could it not make us feel bad? How could it not make us feel hopeless at times? And given so often we are held up in the house, alone with our thoughts, it can be a recipe for disaster.
You are not alone if you feel angry and trapped
I want you to know if you are someone who feels frustrated, angry, upset, pissed off, and trapped in a way because of this disease, you are not alone! Ulcerative colitis and Crohn's have the capacity of taking over so much and changing crucial courses of your life. When these things happen without your control, it is only natural to have these feelings.
It is okay. You are okay. And you will get through it. You will eventually, if you haven’t already, accept that for whatever reason ...this is your lot in life. And while it pains me to miss out on so many good days and opportunities, I am trying to think that maybe there is a reason. I don’t know. Or, maybe my reason is to be here to share with some of you that these emotions you are experiencing are completely “normal.” A lot of people get it and that is something I never believed until I started becoming engrossed in my community of IBDers.
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