A tiled bathroom floor with a rug and several items scattered around for some entertainment

Life on the Toilet: Oh, the Bore of the Bathroom

Last updated: July 2022

With IBD, it's pretty much inevitable we're going to spend significant periods of time on the toilet. Sometimes it can drive you nuts! Talk about repetitive. The same routine over and over!

I've learned to embrace it. View it as a lifestyle! If you expect to run to the toilet numerous times during the day when it happens it isn't quite so depressing. With this in mind, I thought I'd mention a few ways to make the toilet lifestyle more enjoyable for those of us with Crohn's or colitis.

Activities to occupy your time while on the toilet

Read huge novels

A great way to spend your time on the porcelain throne is by reading elaborate novels such as "Dune" and "Anna Karenina." Similarly, you might try reading all the books in a series. Personally, I polished off all the works by Douglas Adams in a single weekend. Why? Nothing else to do on the john!

The key element here is to get lost in epic adventures that transport you to another dimension. This exotic world can make you feel less horrible about your current limitations. After all, feeling like you're a hero defending the universe from an evil villain can certainly take your mind off your colonoscopy next Tuesday.

Conduct detailed internet research

Ever have a desire to spend a few weeks lost in a Google wormhole? Long to review articles discussing the finer points of the 9/11 controlled demolition conspiracy theory? Or how about trying to prove that Kubrick faked the moon landing? That Oswald never killed Kennedy? That the Earth actually is flat? If analyzing these conspiracy theories in granular detail sounds like a blast to you, congratulations! You've found a new hobby on the toilet!

Listen to a spiritual-oriented podcast

To hear a podcast from a spiritual thinker can really transport your mind to ethereal realms. Lofty concepts will focus your mind on transcendent possibilities. You may even feel a boundless love all of God's creatures. Plus, while all this taking place, you'll have your hands free to scroll through Tik Tok.

Call customer service

This is an excruciating process anyway. When you call customer service you know you're not going to talk to anyone for quite some time. First, you'll be made to answer 80 automated questions, then you'll be routed to the wrong department, then you'll wait another hour, then you'll be hung up on. Might as well suffer it out while answering nature's call.

Devise 10 new ideas

Famous entrepreneur James Altucher recommends we write down 10 new ideas every day. This trains the brain to be creative. It also gives us goals to consider implementing. Why not attempt this on the toilet? I'm sure Einstein and Mozart were creative on the john. Might as well join the club. For all you know, you'll come up with a cure for cancer. Never know, right?

The IBD bathroom lifestyle

Running to the bathroom numerous times per day truly sucks. Half the battle is keeping yourself occupied. The above activities will hopefully enable you to employ your time more fruitfully and make your struggles with IBD more tolerable.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to your comments below.

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