It's Okay to Have Mixed Feelings
Crohn’s disease is a day-to-day disease. One day, I could have a great day. No big stomach issues, no urgency and I feel great. On the other hand, there are days that just down right are terrible. I use the bathroom more frequently, have a lot more air in my stomach, and feel very uncomfortable. Some days, I just want to scream, because I get so frustrated. I get frustrated because I constantly have to use the bathroom! I decided that it’s “OK” to just to let it all out when you are frustrated.
I don’t do it often, but if I am driving, and I have to pull over to stop and use the bathroom, a lot of times I get angry. I get angry that I have to take time out of my day, to use a public bathroom to feel better. I don’t think anybody wakes up and says, “Yes, I can’t wait to have to go to the bathroom more than fifteen times today!” Sometimes when I get down in the dumps (no pun intended), I let it all out. I cry. I cry that I have to go through it, and guess what, that’s OK!
I am telling you that I have found that with this disease, comes a mixed bag of emotions. I have felt extremely happy to be part of a unique group of people who share a common disease. I have felt safe. I have felt safe to be able to talk to certain people without being judged or made fun off. One specific group is my close knit, family, friends, and girlfriend. The group is the Crohn’s and Colitis community that we are all apart of. I have felt safe that I can express myself freely with these people.
I have felt scared. Scared of the unknown. I have felt scared of not ever leaving a hospital bed. I have felt scared that I would never live a normal life again.
I have felt helpless. I have felt not in control of my body. Crohn’s at times controls what happens to my body.
I have felt hopeful. I have felt like there were answers. I have felt and continue to feel that there will be a cure for IBD in the future!
I believe that it is important to experience a mix bag of emotions when its comes to Crohn’s disease. Its important to experience it because you have to know how to juggle these emotions as you go through your everyday routines. You can’t let one feeling overpower the other. For example, if you feel hopeless all the time, then that negative feeling won’t help you feel better. Be aware of the ups and the downs the disease can bring. Adjust your feelings according. As I always tell all my readers, I have experienced all these feelings over the ten years of having Crohn’s. At time I was scared to express my feelings; worried about what people will think. Don’t be afraid to express yourself. Nobody knows how you feel but yourself. It’s ok to have mixed feelings about Crohn’s!
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