Will I be enough? Thoughts from an IBD mom
The past few nights I've laid awake in bed. Holding on tightly to my pregnancy pillow. Feeling my baby girl kick and punch her way around my abdomen, as another day comes to an end. As an IBD mom of a toddler, with one on the way in January, I can't help but wonder if I will be able to handle two children under two, while taking on Crohn's disease. It's a daunting thought that overwhelms me at times.
While I am extremely excited to have another baby and build on our family, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit apprehensive. I wonder how this will change our family dynamic and how the added stress will contribute to how I manage my chronic illness. With my son, if I needed a break or some downtime, my husband would just take the reins and allow me time to regroup or rest. But, when there are two children, the playing field is even. One child per parent. What do you do when you need some time to relax and handle the fatigue that is amplified from motherhood?
My son is my strength
Like all things in life, change can be scary. You never know how something is going to be until it's your reality. What I have noticed within myself since becoming a mom in March 2017, is that my son has become my greatest motivator for strength. He's inspired me to push through the difficult days. He's brought smiles rather than tears to my eyes while he sits at my feet in the bathroom. He's watched me give myself injections and given me so much to fight for. I can only believe that having another angel that I've created on this earth with my husband will only add to the strength I'm able to find within myself. Soon, my focus will be on being present and healthy for two kids, along with my husband and of course for myself.
Each day with IBD is so different
You can go from feeling on top of the world to needing to run to the emergency room all within a 24-hour span. It's different before you have children. If your body is in dire need for care and hospitalization, it's far from sunshine and rainbows. But at least you only need to worry about you. When you're a mom and flaring, leaving little ones at home and being away while you sit in a hospital room is completely different.
We are enough
I know I can't be the only IBD mom who wonders I am will be enough or if I am enough for my family. I say this to you and to myself, we are enough. Despite our disease, we're refusing to wave the white flag. Our little ones aren't going to know the difference between spending a day cuddled up watching a movie because Mommy has pain in her abdomen and joints or if they are at the park. Our babies want time with us. They want us to be present. And in their eyes, we are more than enough.
What type of IBD have you been diagnosed with?