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Not In The Mood To Be Sick

I know no one ever really wants to be sick. I mean who wakes up in the morning hoping to be hospitalized or excited about their chronic condition? Certainly not me. But for some reason it seems like there a certain times where I am extremely not in the mood.

Sometimes I’m just not in the mood.

I was recently accepted into college. I‘ve transferred schools about 4 to 6 times, but I honestly feel like this move and this major will be just right. I’m changing jobs; soon my insurance will be changing too. I’ve decided that since my new insurance policy will no longer be as comprehensive as my old policies it may be time to get a second job. So me being the overachiever that I am, I decided to get two. Currently, I work full time in healthcare, work part time in a restaurant and part time in a small store. Sounds crazy? Probably because it is.

With all of these life changes going on I really can’t fit anything else on my plate. I don’t have time to go to extra doctor appointments or be hospitalized. I barely have time to sleep!

I have a love-hate relationship with the a hectic lifestyle.

Obviously, I hate it because it can be a lot. Trying to do so much at once can easily become tiring and too time consuming. But I oddly love a hectic lifestyle also. The times when my life is the most crazy are oddly the times when I feel the most normal. Like I can just live. My mind is so occupied with responsibilities and things that need to be done, I often forget about my condition all together. Well, at least until it’s time for a restroom break.

I know I should always make my health a priority, but at times I just don’t want to.

I want to be a normal 25 year old. I want to see a primary care physician once a year and eat junk food, pay my way through college and stay up late at night. When I look back, I honestly do feel like Ulcerative Colitis stole my 20s from me. It’s as if one moment I was in a flare and woke up 5 years and 6 surgeries later. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for the opportunities and people my condition has brought into my life, but it’s also taken a lot from me.

Sometimes I just want a break. A break from doctors, appointments, a break from hospitals and tests. I just wish there was a way people with chronic conditions could be granted a paid vacation that includes 7 days of perfect health. Unfortunately, this is obviously not a thing. I try to remind myself of the good in life and surround myself with good people to promote positivity.

While my health is a priority, so is my happiness.

I don’t want another 5 years to go by and all I have to show for it is surgeries and medical records.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The InflammatoryBowelDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (3)
  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    2 months ago

    I can agree so much with this. When you are busy and have so much going on, you push through to get through the day, yet you feel normal. And normalcy is something we all crave.

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

  • ce66396
    6 months ago

    I think many can relate to your post. It seems I am the healthiest, (free from Crohn’s symptoms) when I am very busy with to much and to little time to get things done. I don’t know if it is the cortisol that smooths over the inflammation or what but there is something to what you say. Someone told me years ago that IBD people were overachievers. I thought to myself, it may appear that is right, but for me, I just need to get the task done before I get sick again. Thanks for your post

  • Shawntel Bethea moderator author
    6 months ago

    I’m glad you were able to find it relatable. I agree. We do work very hard, but it is partially because we have to and we need to get things done before the next flare! I agree with every word of this!

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