It's Not Me, It's You

I'm sorry, but it's just not me. It's you.

You're the problem. You always have been. You're gone now. I'll never miss you. There will never be days when I look back at our pictures and think about what could have been. There will never be days I regret our split. There hasn't been a day yet when I wondered where you are or what you're doing. That day will never come.

I don't hope you're happy. I don't wish you the best. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm okay. Most days I do think of you, but it's only because I have to. Your absence still impacts my life. My health. My wellbeing. That's why I think of you. But then again, your presence did the same. If I had to choose you or me, I will always choose me. I did before, I'd do it again.

You are no longer a part of me

I don't love you. You were once a part of me, but that's no more and will never be again.

I don't mind thinking of you. The memories aren't good, but the lessons you've taught me are priceless. Although, now that I'm thinking about it... They did come with a price. Thousands. Thousands of dollars I'm still paying off. Not to mention the cost of my happiness. My trust. My confidence. My relationships. I could go on but I digress.

I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're a part of me. Or were at least.

I hate what you did to me. Not what I allowed you to do to me. I only allowed what you forced upon me. I thought we were friends, but I learned soon your loyalty was not with me.

If you could see me today you'd probably be in disbelief. You wouldn't know how to feel. I bet you never imagined I could be so happy without you. So healthy without you. Not only living without you but thriving in your absence. Your goal was to break me. To steal my hope, my job. To take my health and everything else I owned. To leave me with only a distant memory of what was. But you didn't succeed.

I appreciate the times we once spent together. I appreciate our past because it molded me into the person I am today. I appreciate the lessons you've bestowed upon me because I used them to better myself and to help others. I never imagined being in the position I'm in today. I especially never imagined being here without you. I trusted you.

This is a letter to the gone but never forgotten

My colon.

If I could change things, I probably wouldn't. Not the journey nor the outcome. We were never meant to be together. We're so much better apart. In spite of how it may seem, I honestly have nothing personal against you. I don't want revenge for the pain you caused. I don't wish you the best, although you caused me the worst. I don't wish any harm to you, just want you to understand... It was never me. It was always you.