Not a Mommy

Recently I shared my experience with miscarriage and not being a mother on my blog. It wasn't easy for me to share, but I know a lot of women needed to hear it. There are a lot of us who struggled with infertility or suffered from miscarriage. It seems like it's such a taboo topic, but it shouldn't be. Especially for those of us living with chronic illness, we can unfortunately bear the burden more than others.

Hi, I'm Shawn, and I'm not a mommy

Growing up I always pictured myself as a mother. It was never a question if I wanted kids. It was only a matter of when. I love children, but I wasn't someone who was oblivious to the work it takes to raise a child. I knew being a parent would be hard, but I was up for the challenge.

Having IBD, along with other conditions made my life more complicated than I ever imagined. By 22 I'd already had multiple surgeries and various complications. I wasn't the picture of health. I've never been. Two years after my loss and it's still hard. It's something I have to live with and even when and if I have children in the future, the loss will always be a part of my story and will forever be something I carry in my heart.

It is possible to carry a child with IBD

It's possible to have a healthy pregnancy. Many of my friends who live with Crohn's and colitis have happy and healthy children. I love that for them.

For those of us who aren't mommies or daddies just yet, that doesn't mean it won't happen. There is hope. While with time my views and wants have changed, I hope everyone living with not just IBD, but any chronic condition, will be able to fulfill their desires of carrying a child to term. But I also want you to know, you don't have to be a mommy to make an impact.

Either way, you can have an impact

You don't have to carry the title "mommy," or carry a child to have an impact in someone's life. There are so many ways to make a difference. The holidays can be a very sad time of year for many people. We often think about the things we wish we had. Instead of thinking about those wants or next year's wishes, I ask you to remember that there are plenty of children in the world who need a hero now.

Living through miscarriage is tough, but I'd like to think I've used my experience for the better. While I'm not a mommy, I am a Godmommy and it's not a role I take lightly. I know this little girl looks to me and trusts me with her life. I do what I can to set a good example for her. While this may not be the role I had in mind a few years ago when it came to raising a child, it'll do just fine for now.