Will I Ever Be the Old Me?

This is always, in my opinion, one of the hardest things to deal with when being diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Grieving the old you.

Will I ever be the old me again? Will I ever be the me before my diagnosis?

Living in the past and wanting to be my old self

For years, I kept trying to tell myself that I will be my old self again. That I will soon be able to do all the things I used to do and look at how I used to. But the reality is, that thought does nothing but confine me to the past.

You see, if we are not willing to be excited and expectant of the future, and believe the best is yet to come, then we will always be living life thinking “oh, those were the good old days.” And that is never productive.

I certainly do not want to become a slave to the past.

I wish I could do the things I used to

But let's be real. Yes, I wish I could do the things I used to do before my diagnosis. I miss eating whatever I could at the drop of a hat. I miss being physically active and being a quick mover. I miss my high energy levels. I miss being spontaneous. I miss the curves of my old body, my long thick hair, my perky butt. Yup, I said it. I miss my bubble butt. Today, it looks more like a flattened pancake but hey, who doesn't love pancakes?

I could go on and on about my “good old days,” and the things I miss about myself, but this lodges me into a place of unproductivity. I have to cheer for the future and be present in today. I need to boost myself up by being expectant that perhaps around the corner better things will come.

Crohn's has made me a strong person

I will say that although I may miss the things I mentioned above, I have become one heck of a warrior throughout this Crohn's journey. My soul, mind, and spirit are strong and bold. So bold that it puts to shame my mindset before being diagnosed.

I used to have a weak mindset on life. I was so focused on daily minutiae and insignificant occurrences. Today, however, my entire perspective on life has changed and I maneuver and confront difficulties with ease. That, my friends, is really powerful.

Living with Crohn's is hard, but looking to the future helps

I also find it easy to find peace within the chaos. I know through experiencing the trials of Crohn's, that things always pass and no matter how bad it may feel in the moment, there is always tomorrow. There is always newness around the corner. Yes, friend, always.

Crohn's disease is hard and horrific. It can be never-ending, exhausting and ruthless. But if we spend our days living in the past, we don't give our body, mind, and spirit a chance to behold the newness of tomorrow.

So I encourage you to never lose hope and to be expectant of your future. I encourage you to never become complacent and think good things will never come. I encourage you to charge forward always, because the days ahead may be your most glorious yet.