Award Winning Performance

How are you today? Well... YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!! ;)

There is nothing like a performance by someone who has truly known disease and illness or suffered in some way.

Lies

The lies I told myself and others just to get through the day were not what you'd call major lies. They weren't spiteful or intentionally bad. They were based purely on survival!

I lied to my bosses and myself when I said that I was ok. I said I'd be fine to come in or take on all those shifts for the week. I told myself I was fine when I had to negotiate my desk being by the toilets so that I had quick and easy access.

I lied to myself that I was in control. My health was spiraling out of control and as was my life alongside it.

I became an award-winning performer

Really, I deserved an Academy Award for the performances I did. The fake laugh and smile that I wore daily.

No one likes to see someone sick and it doesn't make it easier when how sick we truly are isn't visible to the open eye. Unless it's visible and tangible, most people just don't want to have to deal with our reality - its an inconvenience.

So we become a martyr

We stay strong, silent and resilient and we lose ourselves into the darkness.

But I want to change that. I fight to change that. How can we increase visibility if we're constantly pretending and not letting others see how bad it truly is. If we can't be honest with ourselves, how can others see the truth?

I'm working on myself and being honest with the people around me. I can say the words and they will believe me. They always do but they will never understand until I show them.

I don't lie anymore

So at work when I am sick, I don't lie anymore. I'm pretty sure they get sick of hearing about it but you know what?! I get sick of living that life and that lie. So, it's best that I let them know that while they make those haha comments about me always being sick and tired, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

At home, I am learning to say no to things. That includes the folding when my husband dumps a load on me and expects that while I'm laying down sick that I could somehow fold the clothes at the same time! Ummm, NO.

That's a foreign concept and I'm working on it.

Every day is a new day and I'll soon be winning The Golden Raspberry aka Razzie award for my performances!