Just Stay Home

Recently my nephew turned three years old. In previous years, I have missed his birthday parties because I was out of town for work. It always broke my heart not being there for his birthday milestones. Only through FaceTime could I watch his eyes beam with excitement as he blew out his candles and opened his gifts.

Determind to attend a birthday party during a flare

This year, for his third birthday I was in town finally but enduring a pesky Crohn’s flare. Determined, I wanted to make it to his birthday bash regardless of how I was feeling. But it really wasn’t the best idea in hindsight, and I learned from the experience.

This particular flare had me running to the bathroom with urgency constantly. I lost a lot of weight due to not eating much because of abdominal pain and nausea.

Anemia was plaguing me hard and I was out of breath walking fast or standing for too long. Overall, I was just quite a mess and looked it too.

No energy and an alarming appearance

But I was wanting to be there in person for his birthday so badly that I forced myself out the door to attend. I didn’t care what I wore so I went in leggings and a big t-shirt with sneakers and a hat. 

Trying to give that sporty vibe but when I arrived, I felt out of place as everyone was dressed casually nice. I barely had the energy to put makeup on, so my pale face was alarming to guests and my thin appearance concerned them.

The affair was held mostly outside in the heat of the Florida sun, which was great for me as I was shivering due to my anemia. The party guests were worried for me as they saw how cold I was and every five seconds people were asking if I was okay and how my health was doing.

Pushing myself during a flare

I quickly realized the obvious. I should have never pushed myself to attend this event. Although I wanted so badly to be a part of it in person, all it was doing was stressing me out and making me feel uncomfortable.

My family was worried about me. Random guests that I didn’t know could clearly see I was unwell. And all the attention was something I disliked. Not to mention, half the time I was in and out of the bathroom and truly just wanted to be in the comfort of my home.

I lasted about 45 minutes and then decided to leave. Did I mention I even arrived late, as I was having trouble leaving the house because of the urgency I was experiencing? I didn’t even see my nephew blow out his birthday candles.

So why did I go? I’m not really sure. I guess I was rebelling against the Crohn’s and trying my hardest not to miss out on yet another milestone event. Me and my stubbornness thought that when I arrived I would feel better somehow. Well, that was definitely not the case.

I should have just stayed home

Looking back, I should have stayed home. And reflecting on the experience, sometimes it is just better to stay home. Pushing yourself to not feel left out, can honestly just cause more stress and an unnecessary amount of attention on your health from family and friends.

Moving forward, if I am flaring and most importantly plagued with anemia and urgency, I won’t be pushing myself to attend any events, regardless of how important they are. It’s just not worth it.

How about you? Have you pushed yourself to be somewhere and later regretted it? Share below, we love to hear from you.