The Supportive Husband

The hardest thing about reading my posts if it's your first time is understanding my sense of humor and brutal honesty within it. I'm a bit of a stirrer and generally, my blogs are written with a "tongue-in-cheekness". (it's a real word - cause I say so ;P)

A trip to the Emergency Department

The other day I had a severe allergic reaction. Because I work at a hospital, I walked into ED for the first one. I was dismissed (another post to come) and sent home after the antihistamines I had taken myself kicked in. I got home and a few hours later, I started to crash again. Hubby took me back to ED.

Historically, our visits to ED never start or end well. It is compounded by the fact that my hubby is completely freaking useless!!! He is absolutely inept when it comes to advocating for me. It's the bane of my existence and when I come to, it ends with me losing my s*it. This is something I'm working on.

An example of my husband not advocating for me

A classic example (one of many) is a few years ago. I was having heart issues and kept passing out at work. The ED doctor was concerned about my heart and told us that they thought I might have been having a heart attack. They told us to immediately come and get him if I felt like I was going to pass out or had chest pain.

Not long after the doctor left, I started having pains again. What did hubby do? He stood in the doorway watching the doctor talk to someone and wouldn't interrupt him because he was busy. Classic hubby.

Giving him the deserved props here, he's absolutely improved and wants to be there to advocate. So on our drive to ED, I was listing my symptoms so that I didn't have to waste any energy explaining to the nurse what was happening. I was also afraid I'd pass out on the way there.

This occasion felt no different

On this occasion, we arrived and I am now delirious. I was sure in the moment that I was completely aware of what was going on. Apparently, we have different views of what was happening. I've been told I missed quite a bit.

What I thought I heard was a passive and overly calm hubby not stressing the details or even all of the details required. Apparently most of them he did repeat to the nurse but I remember the anger boiling up above the need to breathe.

The nurse was being dismissive and I think I felt like he wasn't emphasizing the overwhelming fear as well as my history of my body being on a mission to kill me. We're not friends 90% of the time; my body and I.

Fear turning into anger

When it comes down to it, I know I'm a control freak. My body was stealing that control from me. I was spiraling. Hubby isn't as aware of the reality as I am and no one is as good at advocating as someone who gets it as we do. I think that fear can sometimes translate into anger.

So how do I step back and translate that to hubby? Well, I shouldn't do it in the midst of it all. A bad habit I'm working on! Sorry hubby!

When I'm on the other side of it all, I try very hard to explain it all to hubby in a way that makes sense to him. He's a learner by experiencing things himself and since he's never been sick or feared his own body, it's not an easy lesson to teach! I try to use examples that could relate. Examples help relating emotion to an unexperienced act.

My hubby also needs to have it broken down. X = Y response kind of thing. We are also huge advocates of marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling has literally been the one thing that has saved our marriage over tough times. It helps that we are both willing to do anything to make sure we make it!

Having another person who is able to bridge the gap of communication and/or needs is the only way that I truly believe issues that are repetitive, are resolved.

I'm always open for suggestions to better help my hubby understand. Do you have any? How were you able to help your partner advocate for you?