Fear - that weight loss can bring
I've recently lost a fair amount of weight and I can't really say that the feedback has been fantastic. I wanted to write about it and my hubby wanted to contribute and help me.
What my husband wrote about my weight loss with IBD
Recently my wife has lost a lot of weight, in excess of 10 kilos. On the one hand, this is awesome. My wife has always been sexy and I couldn’t care what she weighed, to be honest. However, she is looking trim, healthy, fit, and is wearing all her old sexy underwear. This new found confidence means she is also buying new sexy clothes and underwear for me to see. Regardless of the clothes, that newfound confidence is what is the most attractive about it all.
A person with IBD knows their body
In saying that though, I wasn’t this supportive when she first started losing weight. For a tiny moment there, I got jealous and thought she was going to leave me behind in our weight-loss journey. Thankfully I thought about it and it gave me the kick to get fit as well. Past the slight jealousy, I immediately began thinking there was a health issue. Where is the tipping point? How much is too much? When will it stop? I was questioning her every day on what she had eaten, what she had done, and how she was feeling.
I never stopped to consider that my wife actually knows her body a hell of a lot better than me, and further to that, any medical practitioner out there. Not only was she getting the nonstop questioning from me, but she was also getting it from everyone that noticed her weight loss. ‘Oh wow, you’ve lost so much weight, are you ok’ or, ‘are you sick again’.
Chronic illness is always lurking in the background
Why couldn’t I or anyone else just be happy for her that she was losing weight and feeling amazing about it? I guess that’s the thing with chronic illness. It is always lurking there in the background. But as a husband, I should have been more supportive of her and known she was in full control of what was happening. I wasn’t though. Unfortunately, I was adding to her stress levels and adding to her fears by repeatedly questioning her. I just kept having visions of her at 40kilos and near death. Something I never want to see again.
My reaction to what my husband wrote
Some of the things he wrote I hadn't expected. It was actually quite confronting to read what he was feeling and thought without telling me out loud. That's never really been his strength.
Since losing weight, a lot of people both in real life and online have been calling it out and innocently bombarding me with questions about my intent or my health. My own husband made me buy scales to monitor my weight to make sure I didn't keep losing weight. He was scared. I knew that, but I hadn't known why. I just figured he wanted to make sure it didn't continue beyond healthy.
The hardest has been the questions coming all at once even though my weight loss has been over 6 months. And this is actually my pre-baby weight. Then the writing from my husband.
Remembering times when I was very sick
I hadn't even considered that this may have triggered visions of me at my sickest and fear of losing me. I hadn't really given it enough acknowledgment that people would correlate my health to my potential death. I knew people would be concerned about my health, but I hadn't realized how deep that fear might have reached.
I am very lucky and happy to say that I am very healthy, feeling the best I ever have, and my weight has plateaued at a healthy weight. I am also very aware of my body, its limits, and my own internal desire to be here for another 50 years!
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