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Fear – that weight loss can bring

I’ve recently lost a fair amount of weight and I can’t really say that the feedback has been fantastic. I wanted to write about it and my hubby wanted to contribute and help me.

What my husband wrote about my weight loss with IBD

Recently my wife has lost a lot of weight, in excess of 10 kilos. On the one hand, this is awesome. My wife has always been sexy and I couldn’t care what she weighed, to be honest. However, she is looking trim, healthy, fit, and is wearing all her old sexy underwear. This new found confidence means she is also buying new sexy clothes and underwear for me to see. Regardless of the clothes, that newfound confidence is what is the most attractive about it all.

A person with IBD knows their body

In saying that though, I wasn’t this supportive when she first started losing weight. For a tiny moment there, I got jealous and thought she was going to leave me behind in our weight-loss journey. Thankfully I thought about it and it gave me the kick to get fit as well. Past the slight jealousy, I immediately began thinking there was a health issue. Where is the tipping point? How much is too much? When will it stop? I was questioning her every day on what she had eaten, what she had done, and how she was feeling.

I never stopped to consider that my wife actually knows her body a hell of a lot better than me, and further to that, any medical practitioner out there. Not only was she getting the nonstop questioning from me, but she was also getting it from everyone that noticed her weight loss. ‘Oh wow, you’ve lost so much weight, are you ok’ or, ‘are you sick again’.

Chronic illness is always lurking in the background

Why couldn’t I or anyone else just be happy for her that she was losing weight and feeling amazing about it? I guess that’s the thing with chronic illness. It is always lurking there in the background. But as a husband, I should have been more supportive of her and known she was in full control of what was happening. I wasn’t though. Unfortunately, I was adding to her stress levels and adding to her fears by repeatedly questioning her. I just kept having visions of her at 40kilos and near death. Something I never want to see again.

My reaction to what my husband wrote

Some of the things he wrote I hadn’t expected. It was actually quite confronting to read what he was feeling and thought without telling me out loud. That’s never really been his strength.

Since losing weight, a lot of people both in real life and online have been calling it out and innocently bombarding me with questions about my intent or my health. My own husband made me buy scales to monitor my weight to make sure I didn’t keep losing weight. He was scared. I knew that, but I hadn’t known why. I just figured he wanted to make sure it didn’t continue beyond healthy.

The hardest has been the questions coming all at once even though my weight loss has been over 6 months. And this is actually my pre-baby weight. Then the writing from my husband.

Remembering times when I was very sick

I hadn’t even considered that this may have triggered visions of me at my sickest and fear of losing me. I hadn’t really given it enough acknowledgment that people would correlate my health to my potential death. I knew people would be concerned about my health, but I hadn’t realized how deep that fear might have reached.

I am very lucky and happy to say that I am very healthy, feeling the best I ever have, and my weight has plateaued at a healthy weight. I am also very aware of my body, its limits, and my own internal desire to be here for another 50 years!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • GrandmaGail
    10 months ago

    In the 4 years before being diagnosed with Crohn’s I lost almost 50 pounds. I looked very unhealthy, as I was. I had to buy a new wardrobe and actually wanted to die as I was afraid to eat due to pain. Everyone who saw me commented on my being so skinny. I think that is rude. Do people make body comments to people who are fat? After my diagnose, it took a couple years to get it under control and also I went on an opioid for pain and now am on marijuana and I am 20 pounds heavier. I look better! There are still many foods that trigger my pain which is hard for people to understand, especially my husband, who has been very patient.

  • Pam.Kingsland moderator
    10 months ago

    Thanks for joining the conversation, @grandmagail. IBD can be such a misunderstood disease and so many just don’t understand what you are going through. I feel your frustration about the ignorant remarks! I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better. Please keep us updated on how you’re doing, if you can! We’re all here for you. – Pam (team member)

  • MisCellaneous
    10 months ago

    I have also been loosing weight recently, but in a healthy way this time. My husband has also been worried because he was so traumatized by me being deathly ill and under 80lbs. a few years ago due to Crohn’s. I feel better than I have in a long time so I know that I am okay, and he can see that too but he still gets concerned. I didn’t occur to me either that loosing a few pounds would cause such a disturbance.

  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    10 months ago

    I can relate to this. Whenever I lose even the slightest bit of weight, my loved ones get concerned. Sometimes I forget how traumatized they are with this disease, too.

    I wish you continued health @miscellaneous.

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

  • gpalmarella moderator
    10 months ago

    Thanks so much for sharing this, @miscellaneous. It’s can be so hard to recognize the impact of IBD on our loved ones and where they are coming from with their concerns. I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling better these days. -Graceann ( Team Member)

  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    11 months ago

    Weight and IBD is tough. It’s always up and down, up and down. I’m currently so thin and am trying my hardest to gain and get my pre-diagnosis figure back. But it’s been a journey.

    Thanks for sharing this post, it was nice to read.

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

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