What Others Think

For those people who do not have IBD, they can’t say, “I understand the feeling.” That goes for the same, when IBD patients say, “I know what it feels like to have COPD.” It just can’t happen. So why do people say it? Is it embedded in our minds that we have to say something encouraging? Even though it’s a lie? Do they really understand what it means to have Crohn’s? It’s not just having an upset stomach. If that was the case it would make having Crohn’s or Colitis easy. I always think to myself "what are other’s thinking when I am not around?"

What is going through other's minds about my IBD?

I mean, when I excuse myself from a work function or my classroom, what are the kids thinking? Is this teacher going to go talk with his friends down the hallways? What are other’s thinking? Even though my friends are all about understanding what IBD is, and how it affects me, I always wonder what they are saying when I am not there. I have backed out of many trips, because of the use of the bathroom, that I am sure people have talked. “How come Paul can’t come with us?”  Others might think: “He is OCD about this disease.” But I have to keep a clear mind to keep me going.

I always took a different driving route with bathrooms

For a while, I was taking the long way down the shore. I was so scared to take the main road, because of the limited places to stop for the bathroom. I remember that I felt so bad because I would take the local route down the shore. The local route had tons of bathrooms for me to stop at. I felt bad because my friends wanted to get to the beach. Look, it was summertime, and we were 21. They wanted to drink and get to the casino. I think I overthought things because my friends are great people. I often just drove by myself. This way I was not inconveniencing anyone. I would stop at many places on the way down the shore. I think it was mind over matter because I always felt better taking the longer route.

Why do I care so much about what others think?

So should we care what people think in general? No, and I know that’s what you are thinking. So why do I care so much? Is it my pride? Is it that I haven’t really accepted the fact that I have Crohn’s? It’s always on my mind. It is always a big part of every decision I make. I really need to let go of the pressure I put on myself. I have to realize that this is what it is and accept me for what I was dealt. IBD is no joke. It affects more than what is on the surface. I think over time, understanding this disease will become much easier as more research is being done. I would love to study what people think as they go through the different stages of the disease. This can be a small substudy within the bigger realm of Inflammatory bowel disease.