Angry.

Angry

I will admit I still get angry. I still get angry at the fact that about 5 years of my life was put on hold. I still get angry at the fact that I was told I would be out of the hospital in 5 days after my stomach surgery, only to stay there 366 days longer.

Angry about bathroom habits with Crohn's

I’m angry that I have to go to the bathroom 25 times a day. I have to deal with the constant thought of having a bathroom around me. I get angry that every time I go in the bathroom, somebody might hear the gas leaving my body.

Anger and embarassment after surgery and hospitalizations

I still deal with the daily struggle of having eyes on me as I take off my shirt, revealing the scars of my eleven surgeries.

I remember being in the hospital with a bowel obstruction and looking down the hallway to the hospital room with police officers outside. Apparently, there was a patient who was not doing well after a car accident. He literally ran over and killed two kids. But he was going to survive.

Frustrations around work and social life with Crohn's

I was angry when all my friends were out enjoying their senior year of college, heading to bars and socializing. I was in the hospital, learning how to replace my ostomy bag, and wondering if I was ever going to go home.

I am angry that most of my teacher friends will retire 10 years before me, even though we graduated and got jobs at the same time. I was angry at the fact that I had to have a 24-hour nurse at home, watching every move I make. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without her following me. I was angry.

Struggling and trying to accept Crohn's disease

Have I gotten better? Yes and no. I have accepted the fact that I have Crohn’s. I am still struggling with the fact that I have one of the worst cases. I still always ask the question: Why me?

I'm always asking myself the question: “Why am I behind in life?” So I would have to say that the emotional part of the disease has really taken a toll on me as of late.

I have tried group therapy, which helped a lot. I guess it is a day-by-day thing. If I am having a good day with my Crohn’s then I don’t think about resentment. If I am having a bad day, it’s all I think about. I do get jealous of what others have, and what I don’t have. Is that nice to say? No! But at least I admit it.

Like I spoke about in a previous article, I started taking yoga. I have also developed a love for reading, which allows me to unleash stress. Finally I will continue to think positive, as positive thinking calms the stomach.

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