I will admit I still get angry. I still get angry at the fact that about five years of my life was put on hold. I still get angry at the fact that I was told I would be out of the hospital in five days after my stomach surgery, only to stay there 366 more days longer.

I am angry

I’m angry that I have to go to the bathroom twenty five times a day. I have to deal with the constant thought of having a bathroom around me. I get angry that every time I go in the bathroom, somebody might hear the gas leaving my body.

I still get embarrassed

I still deal with the daily struggle of having eyes on me as I take off my shirt, revealing the scars of my eleven surgeries.

I get angry

I remember being the hospital with a bowel obstruction and looking down the hallway to the hospital room with police officers outside. Apparently there was a patient who was not doing well as he was recovering from a car accident. He literally ran over and killed two kids. But he was going to survive.

I was angry

I was angry when all my friends were out enjoying their senior year of college, heading to bars and socializing with females. I was in the hospital, learning how to replace my ostomy bag, and wondering if I was every going to go home.

I am angry

I am angry that most of my teacher friends will retire ten years before me, even though we graduated and got jobs at the same time. I was angry at the fact that I had to have a twenty-four hour nurse at home, watching every move I make. I couldn’t even go in the bathroom without her following me. I was angry.

Have I gotten better?

Yes and no. I have accepted the fact that I have Crohn’s. I am still struggling with the fact that I have one of the worst cases. I still always ask the question: Why me?

I still resent it

I’m always asking the question to myself: “Why am I behind in life?” So I would have to say that the emotional part of the disease has really taken a toll on me as of late. I have tried group therapy, which helped a lot. I guess it is a day-by-day thing. If I am having a good day with my Crohn’s then I don’t think about resentment. If I am having a bad day, it’s all I think about. I do get jealous of what others have, and what I don’t have. Is that nice to say? No! But at least I admit it.

So I have to try harder

Like I spoke about in a previous article, I started taking yoga. I have also developed a love for reading, which allows me to unleash stress. Finally I will continue to think positive, as positive thinking calms the stomach.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


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