"Sorry, I Can't Make It…" Blame It on the Crohn's

By Julie Marie Palumbo

2 min read

We've all heard of "FOMO" – fear of missing out – especially when we see others enjoying their care-free life while we suffer in silence, spending nights that we could be out with friends instead huddled up in bed with stomach pains and fatigue. But, what about "JOMO," or the joy of missing out?

Have you ever not wanted to attend an event and were thankful you could blame it on your Crohn's symptoms? Or, maybe getting in bed by 9 p.m. to watch a movie is much preferred during the winter months when it is freezing outside.

I, personally, have found a mix of both FOMO and JOMO while living with Crohn's, and sometimes, I tend to rely on the comfort of my own home to a fault.

I hated missing out because of Crohn's

However, during the course of my worst days with my disease, I huddled up in my apartment, scrolled social media, and saw what the other 20-somethings in my world were doing. They were going to bars, traveling, working out, shopping – all things that "normal" adults should be doing.

But then there was me. Alone, tired, and miserable. I had FOMO to the highest degree and wanted nothing more to be part of the social scene that everyone else was a part of.

And then I got well. Soon after my 30th birthday, I was declared in remission, and I was able to enjoy all of life's pleasures. I traveled without relying on travelers insurance out of fear I would have to cancel last minute. I went to bars without worrying if I had to use a crowded bathroom urgently. And I had enough energy for an entire workout.

My days of FOMO due to my Crohn's were mostly behind me, but a part of me started to miss those cozy nights in watching my favorite movies.

But now... I don't mind so much

Let's face it, we have all just wanted to skip out on an event, and using our Crohn's as an excuse is perfect. A simple "I'm not feeling well" text to a friend doesn't warrant any further explanation – it must be your Crohn's.

Leave a party early without saying your goodbyes? Everyone just assumes it is because your Crohn's is flaring. We can absolutely use this to our advantage. Admittedly, I have used my Crohn's as a false excuse many times, but cozying up at home was too appealing and I couldn't bring myself to tell that to my friends.

Crohn's: social setback or excellent excuse?

Have you ever felt the "joy of missing out" and used your Crohn's as an excuse to not socialize? Or has living with Crohn's caused you to prefer staying in and skip out on social events? Do you have FOMO or JOMO?

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Vern Laine Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Julie Marie Palumbo" user-id="2250416"/> I lost track of how many events I've missed because of Crohn's, either because of pain or fatigue. I even missed a couple of Christmas, once because I was in hospital (the worst time to be in hospital). After all this time though, I am just used to missing out on things and I don't even think about it anymore. Vern - IBD Team Member
1. Julie Marie Palumbo Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Vern Laine" user-id="2235632"/> I am so sorry you had to miss out on so much, especially holidays! It is definitely difficult to miss out on special events, but knowing there is always more to attend and that you are listening to your body to feel well is what is most important! --Julie (Author/Team Member)
CommunityMembera8101c Member
Oh, Gosh, Julie Marie Palumbo, I read your words and it seemed like they were coming right out of my mouth. So many times I feel guilty about using my Crohn's as an "excuse"! To me though, I do not call it an excuse because my flare-ups appear without any warning, so it is just easier to stay home sometimes than take that chance. I have missed many special moments (most recently....the funeral of our little precious 7-year-old granddaughter). I sat home and cried by myself. I knew it was going to be a huge funeral in a large auditorium and I could just not imagine getting up and leaving in that crowd. To be honest, I was already in a flare-up. Anyway, I just wanted to respond because it hit so close to home. I do make it to some social things, but it has to be during the time that I am feeling very confident. I enjoy being home. I worked outside my home for 45 years. I wish you well.
1. Julie Marie Palumbo Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMembera8101c" user-id="6740294"/> thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry about the loss of your granddaughter. It surely is difficult to miss out on major events, but sometimes the fear and worry that goes into being in a public place is not worth the risk. I hope you have more happy and healthy days ahead! --Julie (Author/Team Member)