Dear Husband of a Crohnie
To my darling husband,
Sometimes I watch you in awe of how loving you are to our 2 wonderful children and see how caring you are and then... I remember how you flounder like a fish out of water when it comes to me. Oh sweet (occasionally) useless man! ;P - Just a tiny dig....
Here are some things I am hoping that by writing them down, they might actually sink in.
Okay, so remember that time where I was passing out all the time and they didn't know what was going on but they were concerned about my heart and suspected it might have been a potential heart attack? Remember the doctor telling you that as soon as the alarm on my heart monitor goes off to IMMEDIATELY come and get him? Yes? Remember you standing in the doorway while I couldn't breathe and felt my chest was going to explode? Yes, well remember you standing there telling me you can't bother him because he's talking to someone? DON'T EVER DO THAT!!!
Remember the time when I was telling you that I didn't believe my Crohn's had come back but the agony I was feeling was unbearable? It's irrelevant that I was wrong, what was relevant is that I was in agony. Funny how that agony turned out to almost kill me because it was my bowel perforated and leaking into my abdomen... I'm gonna give you some good tips here baby, don't do that again!!
Oh the stories I could tell...
They could (and will) be reminded to you forever my dearest one...
What I need from you is your love, your unwavering support, your BELIEF in me and your willingness to fight for me when I don't have the strength to fight for myself.
As much as you have been a wonderful husband, you are thankfully getting better with some guidance. I will always need your utmost belief in me and your trust in me when I tell you that something isn't right.
You will need to know that your wife is ALWAYS right! And that isn't just related to being right in general, I will always be right when it comes to my body. There will be times were I don't want to be right but I will need you to encourage that connection and understanding of myself. I will need you to stand there and back me up and fight for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed and lost.
There are days when it is all too much.
Ive been "sick" in many different shapes and sizes over the last 19 years and occasionally I am just tired. I am too tired and will want to be rescued. I am a fighter and that is probably what made you fall for me in the beginning. But 19 years is a long time to suffer.
For those who are reading, you have no doubt been strong enough for a long time. For those who are ready and are the lovers of these warriors, thank you for caring and picking up the pieces when the burden becomes to heavy.
Finally, Dear husband. I am grateful that you now will check on me if you hear a thump in the shower and won't leave me there even if I am ok... - a little inside joke ;)
Love always and forever,
How open are you about being diagnosed with IBD?