Real Talk About Relationships
This sexy bearded man is my husband, Shannon. Look how loving this pose is and how he tenderly wraps his arm around my damaged body. How loving and romantic! right?! Hell yes, but you know what?! It's a picture and reality isn't always this sweet and neither is he! ;)
I'd say that we haven't got a typical relationship.
What I think would be a normal woman and man relationship would be a lot of game playing and sulking and anger. I ain't got time for that s***! Ive been through too much in my 33 years to not tell him when he's being an a** and although I love him, he is a man and isn't too cluey on how to fix things on his own...
Im lucky though. Shannon is the kind of man that isn't phased too much. Now don't sell him short just yet! He's a very cruisy man but he's a fiercely honourable man and one of the most decent and respectable guys you will ever met. He's one of a kind! and he's my kind :)
He needs me like I need him.
He knows how to push my buttons and knows how to calm me down. He's also come a long way since the beginning of our relationship...
At the beginning of our relationship I was in remission and not pregnant. 3 weeks later I was neither of those things.... To say we were thrown into the deep end is an understatement!!
We were just living our lives and enjoying each other and all of a sudden there was going to be a baby and then again all of a sudden there was my Crohn's disease back and a traumatic birth and then me almost dying and then more surgery and somehow we had to try to get to know each other and build a relationship. Phew! that was a lot to read, right?! Try living it!! haha.
I want to say "at the beginning" again but realistically its for the first 4 years of our now 6 I could honestly say that Shannon was an unsympathetic and unempathetic a**. He had NO FREAKING CLUE!!! He'd never experienced a bloody cold let alone a partner, baby (whoops!) and illness! And of course it wasn't any old illness!
During my pregnancy with our son Lukas, my bowel perforated around 37 weeks (a whole other story!) and my Crohn's Disease came back.
My doctors weren't very capable and I had to fly to another state to have another bowel resection. Lukas was 6 months old and Shannon just couldn't understand why I so desperately wanted him to be there for my surgery. His family were there with me and he thought that would be enough.... Grrrr!
To say that this was a very bad time in our lives is also another understatement. We almost split up. He did fly to come and be with me for my surgery but that lack of understanding took its toll on me. I struggled to forgive him for his choice and even though he ended up supporting me he just still didn't have a clue of what I was going through.
Luckily we sought relationship counseling.
It helped so much and although we only went a couple of times we starting talking more openly and calmly about our feelings and were able to explain them honestly to each other. We'd go for walks with Lukas in the pram and we'd just talk.
He did get better over time, but I still could have hit the floor of the shower and died there and even if he had of heard the thump, it would probably be hours before he checked on me... We've had to work on these things... haha.
But then things changed; Majorly!
There is a major moment that sticks out in my memory of when Shannon changed. It was the moment where he literally had to carry me along the hospital concourse to my surgical appointment to see if I needed to have surgery to fix the prolapse while I was pregnant. I was hysterical.
My obstetrician had told me that I needed to have the surgery before 25 weeks so that if I lost our baby that it would be a simple miscarriage. My heart breaks remembering those words and that moment. I could feel her moving. I knew she was a girl. She was not ever going to be a simple miscarriage.
Luckily for us all the surgeon was happy to use other alternatives to support my prolapse and as was I.
My husband has always been my best friend.
He's always had all of my respect because he's always been amazing as a person. My husband has always had all of my love despite myself and despite the stupid things he's done and in that moment, all of those stupid things faded away. My husband became my rock. My husband became my comfort. He became my strength.
How open are you about being diagnosed with IBD?