Tips on Asking for Support During Crohn's or UC Flares

If you’re living with inflammatory bowel disease, you know that your life, health, abilities, and capabilities can change dramatically in a short period of time. From my experience, no matter how much I plan for the next flare, there are always things I wish I had done, I need but don’t have, or I would really benefit from help.

Asking for help during a Crohn's or UC flare

I’ve thought a lot about this and about how it feels hard to ask for help. I don’t usually know what to ask for directly so I often keep quiet, and I never know who exactly I should reach out to in the event that I need (or want!) physical things or tangible assistance.

I wanted to share with you some thoughts I've put together after a lot of trial and error. To be honest, it’s SO MUCH better for my mental health and my stress levels as my symptoms increase to know that I know how to best ask for support and that I’m not alone in my trials, especially when this disease can feel so isolating.

Things that are helpful when dealing with a flare

In no particular order, here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Keep a list in your phone of a few people who are local that you trust, and that might be able to do you a favor when you don’t feel well. Depending on your needs, this might mean stopping at the store, dropping off a cooked meal, picking up a prescription, taking you to a doctors appointment, sitting with you in the ER or visiting you at home or in the hospital.
2. Then, add to the bottom of that list, a few people who might not necessarily be nearby, but who understand your heart. People you can call or facetime or text when you want to cry or vent or be distracted. One important note here: don’t leave out your other friends with IBD! I’ve often avoided telling them that I was doing poorly because I knew they had struggles of their own, and in retrospect, they wished they’d been able to be there for me. They understood my plight directly and agreed they’d tell me if whatever I was telling them or asking them in terms of support felt like too much at any given time.
3. Think about your necessities during a flare: what foods or meal replacements you can tolerate, what clothes and basic household items that you both need and that would make you more comfortable, and anything that might cheer you up.
4. If you have a roommate, live with family, have a spouse, children or pets, think about if they can help and/or have needs of their own while you are down and out.
5. In the event that a friend or family member reaches out and asks what they can do for you, or what they can bring you or send to you, I’ve found politely declining over and over is a loss for both myself and the other person. They genuinely want to help, and I honestly could use it. I have found it to be easiest to have direct and tangible items I can ask for - such as groceries, prepared meals (or meal delivery), conversation to take my mind off of things or company when I don’t have the energy to talk.

Living with inflammatory bowel disease is hard enough, there’s absolutely no reason to decline help or support simply because you don’t know how to ask, or don’t want to inconvenience someone who has already offered.

In what ways have others offered to support you or have you asked for help when you haven’t been feeling well? I’d love to hear below!