IBD Taught Me to Overthink Everything
I’ve been an over-analyzer since I was a child. You name it, and I’ve thought my way around it in circles.
Crohn’s disease, for me, has amplified that tendency one hundred fold.
For example...
Thoughts that arise with any type of pain
That subtle pain I felt when I was getting into the car - what was that? Will that increase or decrease? Do I need to take medication for it?
Do I need to call my doctor or go get my blood drawn for labs? Will this launch me into a flare? Should I pack a hospital bag?
Questioning decisions, side effects, and more
That prescription I took for two weeks during the summer - did that cause all of these side effects? Did it even fix the original issue? How can I get rid of the lasting headaches it left behind?
My doctor said that I should be fine keeping my Remicade schedule as is. What if I’m not? What if it’s not a high enough dose or frequency to keep me in remission? If I end up in the hospital who will take care of my daughter? Who will run my business?
I can keep going... but I’ll spare you.
The point is, I no longer know how to live without overthinking.
Overthinking is exhausting
My guess is I’m far from the only IBD patient who operates like this. And to be honest, it’s absolutely exhausting.
Living my life as best as I can around my Crohn’s disease symptoms, while thinking through every situation, every possible best and worst-case scenario, every to-do list and checklist and reminder, and I wonder how there’s any space left in my brain or energy left in my tank to function as a “normal” human being.
From the outside, I don't think anyone really knows that anything is wrong when they look at me.
The mental and emotional toll of an invisible illness
It’s not just that Crohn’s disease is invisible, but the mental load and anxiety acrobatics it’s taught me to manage on the daily is impossible to detect by the naked eye.
So, if someone asks me how I am, or what’s on my mind, I keep it simple. If I really answer the whole question, they’ll get way more information than they bargained for, and I’ll have taken my well fought for energy for granted.
But here’s the thing. I don’t get to look away from this draining habit of overthinking everything. It’s the literal only way that I can manage my health and stay on the “healthier” end of the spectrum.
If I ignore it, it could have major consequences.
Worries around remission status
If I forget an appointment or I don’t remember to look up a medication interaction, if I miss a prescription dose or ignore challenging lab results - my remission status can disappear. My health can plummet. And the fear of finding myself in that place keeps me vigilant.
So I overthink. I overanalyze. I feel like my brain never rests, but I’m also far too afraid of the alternative to give in.
How I handle overthinking and over-analyzing
If you feel the same way, I want to share three things I try to keep in mind:
- I am my own best advocate. This is exhausting, but it can also be empowering at the end of the day. While nobody else can manage the intricacies of my health, they can help with other everyday things.
- Asking for help with household chores, errands, meal prep, and other things is critical to conserving energy and strength for the things I need to do on my own.
- Share these concerns, worries, and frustrations with your doctor. I know they don’t often ask about your mental health, but I believe it’s so important to talk about how Crohn’s disease affects ALL of me with my doctors so they are treating me in my entirety (& relieving the burdens where they can).
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