New Year’s Resolutions

This year has been hard. I honestly can’t say it’s been a good year. It’s been a long one. It’s been a complicated one. I can’t say it’s been a “good” one. I can say with certainty, 2018 has been one of the hardest years of my life. When it comes to my condition I honestly can’t complain too much. I have managed to spend a year outside of the hospital. I have managed to learn more about my J-pouch in one year (during 2018), than any of the years prior. While I am living with Pouchitis and still taking medications and learning how to improve my health internally, I can’t really say too many negative things about 2018 as it pertains to IBD.

Mental health

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my mental health. When it comes to this year, it for sure has been one of the hardest years of my life mentally. If I would have known how difficult this year would have been on the last day of December in 2017, I probably would have done everything in my power to skip this year altogether. Or at least spend it in another country.

Travel

Speaking of which, I will sidetrack to say this was the first year I’ve left the country with my Jpouch. A major win for a girl who had so much anxiety just driving down the street when I had my colon. For my health to improve so much that I actually had the ability to backpack Paris and London, is something I cannot take for granted. I am extremely blessed to have had such an amazing experience, but while it did boost my spirits for a period of time, it didn’t seem to last long.

Emotional funk

Emotionally I’ve been more unstable this year. It’s like I’ve been in this huge funk that I just can’t shake or get out of. No matter how hard I try, I seem to always have some kind of sadness looming. I can’t fully blame this on my condition. I know there are many factors that have contributed to this sadness, but I also know it’s something a lot of us live with and unfortunately don’t discuss as much as we should.

Happiness

In 2019, I just want to be happy. I could create a long drawn out list of goals. I could say everything I hope to accomplish next year. Listing some things realistically and certain things unrealistic. Going on and on about how awesome it would be to reach them earlier rather than later, but I won’t do that. At least not right now.

Right now I just want to stress the importance of happiness. So this time next year, my goal is to be happy. Truly happy. Not fake happy. Not fake smiling. Not fake laughing at a joke from someone I care nothing about. No, I want to be happy and surrounded by a gang of people I love. If this is the only thing I accomplish in 2019, that will be good enough for me.

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