I'm Just So Tired
It's only been a few months, but I am so tired of all of it.
I'm tired of "healthy" blood draws and tests while feeling so ill and in pain. I'm tired of trying new medications just to find out they don't work. I'm tired of doctors asking if I've tried doing this, avoiding that.
I'm tired of explaining to friends and co-workers what is going on with my body and why I am missing out, why I am running off to the restroom so often, why I'm not eating this or that, why I am eating those when I previously turned them down when offered a week ago, why I look like a zombie all the time.
I'm tired of being told to be more cheerful or being told I don't look okay, tired of faking a smile while I grin and bear it through all of the pain and accompanying symptoms, while my doctors go back and forth between IBD and IBS because they can't agree on if I should undergo small bowel tests, CTs, or MRIs.
One says it might not show anything different, while the other says to let people test me for anything they want because "you have insurance, so why not?" I'm physically and mentally drained, and I still don't have a solid answer to give people when they ask if the doctors figured out what's wrong with me yet.
So, if a friend sees me out shopping or messages me on social media asking how I've been, "I've been going through a lot, but I'll be okay. I'm just really tired."
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