caret icon Back to all discussions

Being asked "Are you okay"

Hi all I'm here just to vent at the moment. My partner is constantly asking if I'm okay, or am I feeling better.
I know their asking because they care but it's driving me mad.
I'll have to go to bed because I feel so awful, then an hour later they'll ask if I'm feeling better. NO!!

Or they'll say "hopefully you'll feel better soon"
I've got anemia which has wiped me out as I've been on a low residue diet for months due to constant small bowel blockages caused by strictures and Adhesions. I'm due to have a balloon dilation to help with the strictures, they are also checking for inflammation as i have severe diarrhoea and nausea daily. So until that's all treated I'm not going to feel better. I'll be getting an iron infusion soon but I'm dreading prep day ugh!

Some days are better than others but I really am struggling with pain and fatigue, not sleeping well and not eating very much. I don't have much energy. I just wish they'd stop asking me if I'm okay or if I'm feeling any better. I feel like I'm under pressure to feel better, even though I know they don't mean it that way, it's how the constant questions make me feel.

I have asked them to stop asking but they only stop for a few days and then start up again.
Anyone else feel this way?

  1. OMG! I hear you so much. I actually ran into this with my mom when I was diagnosed at age 21. She would ask me how I was feeling or if I was okay EVERY DAY. It was so hard to explain that I didn't always know how I was feeling and that it seemed like she was always looking for daily improvement, which wasn't the case. I totally agree that there is pressure to feel better. Eventually I did tell her that we need to look at the long term, not the short term, and also that I have things under control with my doctors. She has stopped (I think partially because I got married since then and she trusts my husband to watch out for me), but I told her my symptoms had ramped up the other month and she got SO concerned and kept asking how bad they were. I am realizing that I just prefer not to talk to her about my symptoms (which is easier in my case than yours, I think, since she is my mom, not my partner). My only advice is to keep communicating and setting boundaries as you are doing. Also, both my partner and my mom have been in therapy and have discussed my illness (which I told them they should do), which I think has helped them deal with their own uncertainty and anxiety around it. Is that something your partner might consider? -Eshani (IBD Team Member)

    1. I totally know what you're saying!
      Qs like "How are you?" can be so difficult to answer at the best of times!
      Sometimes I feel like people ask and don't really want to know, or that they won't understand even if I tell them. And I don't want to feel like a "moaner".
      People often assume that because I'm on new meds, I'll be better soon. They don't get that it can take months, and then might not help and I need to try another. And with things like you and your strictures. It's not going to be better until the dilation (hopefully).
      Sometimes I feel like acknowledging and talking about it makes it more real, and so I don't want to talk about it.
      There are many more reasons that how are you, or are you feeling better feels like such a loaded Q, but I'm afraid I'll go on a rant and never stop lol.
      But please know you're not alone!
      - Sahara (team member)

      1. hello I do not know about the anemia and strictures. I had UC and it is remission since 14' I understand you have not mention UC, though I believe everything from mouth to rear end and in between is connected and different souls have different outcomes from the same common irritants.

        Have no advice on the constant asking if you are ok, but I can tell you I was a HUGE moaner and still am when I get a fever😀

        Does your stool have pus, mucous, tar, blood...? If yes, then ask Dr for mesalamine enema not corticosteroid and not suppositories. If the enema works, then you should see stool get better very quickly.

        Have you tried drinking coconut water daily, it is a natural inflamatory, laxative, and hydration all in one.
        Coconut milk yogurt daily
        inner-eco LIVE liquid probiotic, a shot a day, unless complete liquid stool, then take off a few days.


        You will probably have loose stools forever, as long as there is no urgency that that is ok.

        best to stay away from red meat (COW), nuts, raw veggies, certain fruits

        1. btw, no fiber at all the week of enemas...give your bowels a vacation.

          Please read our rules before posting.