Should I engage in a relationship being a patient of Crohn's Disease?
Currently I'm 23, just completed my graduation. I've been suffering from Crohn's for 6 years. This time of life was supposed to be the peak of my sensual life but having gotten the disease, everything turned out as disappointment. Recently my gf left me after I informed her about my condition. I informed her about everything before our relationship went into the deep. So she left me even without saying sorry. I was like torn apart, I really loved her. However I don't judge her decision. My flare ups make me feel that I don't belong anywhere, nowhere. I live in a conservative country where marriage is the only legal way of sexual life. So what should I do? Should I engage in a relationship? Here relationship means marriage in the long run. Is my life a forfeit? I'm sure if I inform anyone about my condition honestly, they'll leave me.
Have a question? Ask it here!
Thank you for sharing and for being here,
and I am so sorry to hear about your relationship ending. As someone who was diagnosed with Crohn's at 23, I will tell you that while you may not see it now, this is a blessing.
You do not want to be with someone who doesn't love ALL of you, so I think being honest with your partner is always best, and if they don't accept you for who you are, then you will find someone else who will.I hope you find the love you deserve, Evan. You do not deserve less!
--Julie (Team Member)
Hi
.
Firstly, I want you to know that you are NOT alone in feeling that way!
I have had IBD now for 13 years. I have had multiple surgeries and now live with a perm stoma. That does not mean I deserve love less than anyone else, does it? Why should it?
I can honestly say that throughout my journey, I have seen it as a good thing. It helps separate the type of people that deserve to be in my life from those who don't. Relationships, partnerships, marriages; they're all based on solid foundations of mutual respect and trust.
I have been in my current relationship for around five years. When I was dating, I was very upfront about my condition, and the fact that I would likely need surgery again which would result in a permanent stoma. Some people didn't like it, and that's honestly fine with me. I live with certain limitations and I can deal with that, but that IS my baggage. Certain people and lifestyles are just not compatible, and that's life. That's the journey. And we learn from everything we do. Plenty of people had absolutely no issue and wanted to continue to get to know me. They were the ones I put time and effort into.
I have complete faith that the right person for you is out there. Don't give up hope x
- Sahara (team member)
Hi Evan. That is terrible that your girlfriend left you after you told her you had Crohn's disease. That is just a really hard thing to deal with since it feels like you are being rejected for who you are. I know the feeling. I was dating a girl, way back when, who dumped me...when I told her about my illness.
My opinion is that there are plenty of women out there that will be understanding of this condition. You should not stop dating or seeking marriage. Some people are more understanding than others. Those who cannot understand that this is beyond your control are probably not worth your time anyway. Keep dating. Keep searching. And you will find someone who will get you and appreciate you for who you are...good and bad.
I am dating someone like that now and I have dated other women who were this way as well (I've had Crohn's disease for thirty years). They definitely exist. You do want to think about how you break the news to the person you are dating and probably not lead-in with that. Let them get to know you first. Then tell them the truth about what you are dealing with and hope they will understand. Certainly, it is something many women can understand. Good luck and thanks for sharing!
