Skip to Accessibility Tools Skip to Content Skip to Footer

The Truth About Love

I rave a lot about my husband. I talk about him everywhere, and I praise him and his ability to just be his hairy adorable self! But its not always like that. He’s not perfect. I am totally perfect though!

My bag

My hubby was completely unfazed by me telling him that I had a bag on our second date. It never bothered him, but he never had any interest in it either. He has NEVER understood my bag or my pain.

Our son was three before he ever saw my stoma and that was more so because I made an issue out of the fact we’d been together for so long and he’d never seen it or even helped me change it. So, he placated me and watched me change my bag, but only from the comfort of our bed.

Our son and daughter have always been involved in mamas bag changing and showering, and they’ve never been fazed by it; its all they’ve ever known.

Many ups and downs

We’ve been together now for almost 8 years and there has been a lot of ups and downs along the way. I can’t fault his personality. He’s a joy to be around and always makes me laugh. But he is also the least empathetic or sympathetic person I’ve ever known.

I almost died when our son was 6 months old. Hubby was completely nonchalant about how sick I really was. I have been told many times that it was probably his way of coping with everything but, to be honest, that just doesn’t fly with me.

He just could not comprehend, and still doesn’t how close he came to losing me.

Because Crohn’s Disease isn’t enough for my body to put me through, there was a time that I kept passing out and they were afraid that I was having a heart attack. They advised my hubby that he needed to go and get the doctor IMMEDIATELY if I started passing out again. Not long after the doctor left the room, I started passing out, and the machines monitoring my heart were beeping. I had to tell hubby to go and get the doctor. What does hubby do? He stands at the doorway refusing to interrupt the doctor because he was down the hall talking to someone!!!



More has happened along the way and we’ve always been very good at communicating. I communicate and he apologies for being a douche! 😉

We’ve had counseling a few times and I’ve learned over the years how he responds.

Recently we suffered a miscarriage and once again he just couldn’t comprehend, and to be honest, he didn’t really care that we lost a baby either. He only cared that I was sad and had to have surgery. But instead of being mad and wanting to divorce him, I understood it. For him it wasn’t tangible. It was cells for him. He didn’t get to hold the baby, he didn’t get attached and he didn’t get to grow it in his tummy.

I’m an emotional and empathetic person. I love wholly and openly. But he is not. He’s the ying to my yang. I’ve learned to communicate my needs and he’s learned to return that. I can’t hate him for his truth.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • thedancingcrohnie moderator
    1 year ago

    Thank you so much for sharing this.

    I am so appreciative of your transparency and I know many can relate to spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends or other family members reacting unsympathetically to their IBD at times. I know I can absolutely relate. Glad, I’m not the only one to experience it.

    Thank you for the read!

    Always dancing,
    Elizabeth (team member)

  • Poll