All sh*ts!! No giggles!!

I’ve asked myself why do I want to start a blog? Why put yourself, your life and embarrassing bits out there? Well there’s a number of reasons but there's 3 main reasons why I want to do this!!

Firstly, to help myself!

I’ve hit my 30’s. Well I woke up 30, feeling 50 because I actually woke up slower.

I’m getting slower by the day; anyway my health has been getting worse to the point I can’t work at all, which kills me as I love working and interacting with people. I've always been a very sociable person but as of late this really hasn’t been me!!

I’ve become withdrawn, unsociable, and quite frankly miserable, depressed and fed up of being ill all the time, being unable to work, being unable to take my daughter to school cause I’m bed bound a lot of the time; I noticed my illness was now beginning to effect my mental health.

I was having one of my midnight shower/baths after messing myself, AGAIN!! That’s right, messed myself again during my sleep is becoming quite the regular thing!! But it was then that I had this Epiphany!! The secret diary of a Crohn's Girl

Not long before I went to bed that night I posted a picture of myself on social media and I received quite a few nice comments and it was then I thought- if only they knew!! Not many people even know I have Crohn’s disease so it got me thinking.

I’m depressed and suffering and nobody knows it. How we’re able to portray this life that looks and is so rosey and this just isn't the case for most people!! So I want to put myself out there. Writing this blog/journal is really helping me process the life cards have dealt me ( a sh*t deck literally) it’s also made me appreciate life cause I now know how precious and delicate life is. Having Crohn's as bad as I do has forced me to look at life and appreciate it because we really don’t know how many good years we got left!!

My second reason!!

Is to help others!! I’ve joined a few Crohn's and Colitis websites and there are so many people like me suffering and I’m guessing they feel and are feeling exactly as I do!! Feeling like a failure, feeling like a failure as a women, a mother, as a partner!! All because my body is failing me and failing me in such embarrassing ways, so embarrassing even to tell my doctors but I have to remember and remind myself that’s it’s not my fault and it’s not your fault. It’s this illnesses fault. I want to get rid of this stigma of not talking about it because “it’s embarrassing” ...it’s not embarrassing, it’s not your fault!! So I’m going to let you all know the nitty gritty of what life is really like living with Crohn's!! And hopefully this can help others like me not feel so alone in this.

My third reason

And for me the main reason I’m doing this is for my little girl.

If for whatever reason I’m no longer around she will have this blog/journal to look back on. Hopefully she can look back at this with humor and understanding and that she was my reason for living and carrying on, she’s the reason I want to fight this illness even writing this I’m crying. haha such a sad cow. I know… god this is emotional

My blessed and not so blessed life

Community Question: Do you have past times or hobbies that help you cope with living with IBD?